A journey of faith and fulfillment. When I read those words on the Loyola’s Pastoral Counseling website, I felt the connection. I have come to see my life as journey, one that needs discernment, one that believes in destiny. I was facing yet another major life change when I felt the call to enter the Pastoral Counseling program. 

My first discernment of journey came early in life. I felt called to the monastic life when still in my teens.  I applied and got accepted into a monastery. Following that call required privations and sacrifices, leaving family and friends behind as I forged a new family, community and life. I found the call challenging but remained in it for many years. Finally, circumstances made it clear I needed a change. Though it proved the most difficult decision in my life, I accepted the call to move on and left the monastery.

But moving on can mean so many things. I found it hard to identify with my peers when I went on to college.  I felt out of place with my colleagues when I got my first job. I watched life progress and felt as though I were standing and watching it through a window, forever wondering where I fit in. Perhaps I had somehow gotten lost on my journey, perhaps I had missed my turn or wandered into areas I was not meant to be.

Then I found the ad in Commonweal describing the Pastoral Counseling program at Loyola. It mentioned calling, journey, and spirituality. I felt the attraction, I felt it to be the fit I longed for.

When I came for my interview, I knew my first test would be getting accepted into the program. Next, I would have to complete the requirements. But I was no stranger to sacrifice and challenge, to discernment and prayer.

Best of all, I have found classmates in this program who have had similar experiences, whose journeys have not been straight and narrow, but rather winding along a path of uniqueness. I am thrust into a group that is no stranger to suffering, sacrifice, and challenge. Here, I no longer look out the window and wonder about the rest. I sit at table and discuss, share, and experience.

I find strength in learning of the journeys of others. I find inspiration, comfort, and encouragement at the commitment others are making to be in this program, seeking a degree in Pastoral Counseling. I find that many, like me, are changing careers, forging a new path, accepting the daunting challenge of becoming a Pastoral Counselor.

And so I continue with my journey, working in the Master of Science program, hoping to become a Pastoral Counselor. And I know I am not alone.

I have always loved Blessed Mother Teresa’s quote: “A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love.” Prior to starting college, I knew that living my dream would bring me a joyful heart, which I would be able to shine on others. My dream was to be a doctor of nutrition. I was also an avid high school runner, so I looked at many different colleges based on my future career interest and my running passion. Loyola was the last of twelve schools that I explored, and despite the school not having a nutrition major and it being too late to explore an athletic scholarship, Loyola College just felt like home. I remember following the student tour guide on a sunny spring day with a cool gentle breeze and just feeling very at peace with myself and one with God. After a short tour, I already knew the campus; I knew the campus because in my heart I knew it was going to be my new home.

After graduating from Loyola University Maryland last May, I can proudly say that Loyola is still my home as a graduate student. I pursued a different path in my undergraduate education shifting from a Biology major to an Interdisciplinary Writing/Biology major, as well as a Theology major. I felt blessed enough to have had many friends and even a close mentor and role model come to me in college when going through trying and difficult times saying that of all people they could talk to, they felt comfortable talking to me. Further, they felt warmed talking to me because of how important faith is to me; thus, they felt that by talking to me, they could incorporate faith into whatever they were going through.  

God’s light and love were truly working through me while listening to my friends and mentor and encouraging them because I not only enjoyed being on the journey with my friends and mentor, but I also felt closely connected to God seeing Him in the experiences. I thought that with studying Biology, Writing, and Theology in college, I would pursue a career in one of those strict disciplines. However, God had other plans, which I am so thankful for.

About the same time I was enjoying being there for my friends and mentor, I heard about Loyola’s Pastoral Counseling program. When I saw in the brochure that this Pastoral program was advertised as a “journey” and a “calling,” I felt a pull in my heart that God was leading me on a new path in my life—not as a nutritionist, biologist, theologian, or even an all-star runner, but as a pastoral counselor—a path in which I could use my gifts of being empathetic, restorative, caring and a good listener—a path in which I could live my faith by serving others.

I am so blessed to still call Loyola my home being a graduate student, but I am even more blessed to call the journey in Loyola’s Pastoral Counseling program my heart—my heart filled with joy.

I have started on a new path.   A few years ago, I was meeting with a spiritual director to discuss a possible change in vocation. When I discussed my interests in working with counseling and spirituality, she mentioned the Pastoral Counseling Program at Loyola.  I have been receiving mailings from the program for the past few years and decided this was the year for me to start. I connected the start of this journey with the start of another one, when my wife and I were searching for a church home. We found it at St. Marks Episcopal Church, Capitol Hill. It practices an open communion. Every Sunday our clergy state the following:  “No matter where you are on your faith journey, no matter what you believe or do not believe, you are welcome to eat at God’s table.” Admittedly, my wife and I were taken aback when we first visited the church, mostly because the openness we experienced felt so different from any type of church culture in which we grew up. We came back and have stayed for almost ten years because we love the community, and its values resonate with what we want for our family.

In addition to the openness of St. Mark’s, I felt a connected to the idea of “brokenness” that often is the topic of sermons. I grew up Catholic and many of my church memories connected to the feelings of guilt and shame that individuals were meant to bear privately as a result of sins they committed. At St. Mark’s we talk about “brokenness” as those parts of our lives that prevent us from becoming the people we are called to be.  Instead of feeling like our brokenness needs to be hidden in the shadows, I have learned that it is through greater examination of these parts of our lives and the process of bringing them into the light that we get closer to understanding ourselves and enhancing our relationships with others. This is where I find the most meaning of what it means for me to be a pastoral counselor. How can I serve others helping them work through some of the brokenness in their lives, and also by continuing to work on my own?

This is the big question that serves as my compass at the start of my journey in the Master of Science in Pastoral Counseling program.  It has served me well, along with the phenomenal faculty, like Dr. Elizabeth Maynard and Dr. Dee Preston-Dillon, and students I have encountered in the Human Development and Introduction to Pastoral Counseling classes. I am not sure where this path will lead me, but that’s okay for now. It has been a rich and rewarding experience thus far.

Throughout my journey I have learned that there are some things in life that we choose, and then there are other portions of our journey that choose us.  If I had to categorize my decision to come to the PC program at Loyola, I would definitely place this in the latter category.

The year was 2005.  It was my final year of seminary and as I began preparing for graduation, there was a part of me that felt unsettled. My future was still quite fuzzy and at the age of 25, there were more things that I did not know than what I had managed to figure out at that point. But there were two things I was sure about. I knew that I was called to be a healer, and I knew that I always had an interest in both psychology and spirituality.  When I was in my undergraduate Psychology program, I felt like I had to disconnect from my Spirit, and when I was in seminary, I felt like I had to disconnect from my clinical mind.  I did not want to choose between my “secular” understanding of the mind and human behavior and my faith in the power of the Spirit to heal. In fact, at the core of my being, I believed that in order to truly heal, I needed to find a place that allowed me to be merge the two—addressing both spirit and mind.

After browsing the website, I knew that every other part of my journey prepared me for this program.  When I arrived at the orientation, I was greeted by a Native American prayer, a Buddhist quote, and surrounded by persons of different faiths and cultural backgrounds.  There was something sacred about this place and yet, there was an equal emphasis on the school’s commitment to prepare us clinically so that we can be licensed in the secular world.  From these first moments on campus, I was certain that the Pastoral Counseling program was exactly where I needed to be.  I knew that I would not only be prepared to have a career doing what I love, but I would be able to allow all portions of my identity to remain in conversation to become exactly who I have always been. …a holistic healer.

I did not choose Loyola…in many ways, Loyola chose me.  And I will forever be grateful…

Glenda Laurent Dickonson

I had decided that it was already too late.

Too much time had passed and my brain was too old to absorb anything new.

And then I had that conversation with Sr. Roberta, and she mentioned Loyola. My curiosity was in full bloom as I postponed bedtime to find out if what she had described really existed. There it was, nicely detailed under the Pastoral Counseling tab. As I read the description, I became more excited. This was the program I had envisioned, but did not know had existed anywhere. I completed the enrollment form for the next information session, and as I hit the ENTER key, I realized what I had done. I was actually considering returning to college. Ten years after trashing my application to a nearby state university, I was requesting information for a program I had just heard about.

That was 5 years and 73 credits ago. I wish I could say that it was easy or seamless, but it was not. With my financial obligations, there was no way I could quit my job which was located in D.C. near the U.S. Capitol. The commute to Columbia was sometimes a challenge, especially during rush hour, but my car eventually learned to find the way on its own, in spite of gridlock, rude drivers, or those who seemed to have no sense of urgency. Sometimes I would walk into class tired; sometimes my eyelids would grow heavy as I unwound in my chair; but only for a brief period. Eventually I would become re-energized and ready to participate with my classmates.

It is sometimes mind-boggling when I realize how much personal peace I have found in the Pastoral Counseling program. When my friends question my sanity or mention how long it is taking me to graduate, I do worry at times, but then I jokingly tell them that I hope to graduate before I turn 100. The truth is, I believe that whatever age I am when I walk the stage at graduation, it would be the right age for me. There is no turning back now, and I am glad I realized that it is never too late, especially when dreams are waiting.  There may be challenges, but life has a way of working things out, if only you allow yourself to be open to possibilities.

That scripture comes to mind when I reflect on my personal journey and decision to attend Loyola.  I am the spouse of an Army officer, and last summer, our family moved from Missouri to Maryland.  Initially, I refused to move with my husband, because we have a son with a joint custody agreement.  It was not “my plan” to leave or separate as a family – I couldn’t even entertain the idea.  But then God placed a strong and clear calling for me to trust Him … I knew that He was sending us to Maryland.  I knew there was a higher reason and calling, but I had no idea that a few months later I would find myself applying to Loyola University to be a pastoral counselor.

It all came about when searching for job openings in the area.  I had been separated from my son, and longed to discern why and what God had in mind.  Instead of job matches, a biography of an alumna from Loyola first appeared in my Google search window.  She had earned a master’s of science in pastoral counseling and instantly my heart leaped at the thought of “pastoral” or “spiritual” and counseling combined.  In the same day, God confirmed my calling – His purpose – by crossing my path with three people who spoke highly of Loyola’s reputation and commented, “it’s a renowned program.”  Having worked at a university for 15 years in Missouri, I believe God knew that it would be important to me that Loyola had quality academics and a solid reputation.

Before I could apply and seriously consider the pastoral counseling program, I started exploring financial aid and scholarship opportunities.  Living on a single income, I had no idea how we could afford graduate school.  That same day my husband came home from work and stated, “you are eligible for post 9-11 G.I. bill education benefits!”   I was floored how God had everything in place.  I also visited and attended one of the classes to ensure the location was accessible (I’m not a city-driver), the students and faculty were friendly, and class times would accommodate our family commitments.   It was ALL in check with my mind, body, heart, and soul. 

My journey as a M.S. Pastoral Counseling student just began this past January 2012, but there hasn’t been one class that I haven’t walked away thanking God for the opportunity and privilege to attend Loyola and to soon serve Him as a pastoral counselor.

Karla Wynn

As my academic journey as a candidate for the Master of Arts Degree in Spiritual and Pastoral Care at Loyola nears its end, I can’t help but reflect on the moment that led me to pursue an advanced degree program at this institution.

Employed as a Workforce Development Specialist at a local government agency, I realized, once again, the need to earn an advanced degree in order to remain competitive in the labor market. Inasmuch as I had spent at least 20 years of my professional life serving as a “career counselor in the Workforce Development Industry” I felt the time was right for me to pursue a counseling degree program. As a result, I began looking into a variety of masters’ degree programs in order to obtain my professional goals.

After researching numerous ‘counseling programs’ online, the Pastoral Counseling Degree program at Loyola University Maryland captured my attention. I contacted and met with Ms. Brenda Helsing (bhelsing@loyola.edu) and after attending my initial meeting, I felt right at home – that obtaining a Loyola Education would be beneficial and provide the tools needed to continue serving as a Workforce Development Counselor supporting dislocated workers and others in obtaining their next professional adventure in a spirit of service.

Instead of pursuing a Pastoral Counseling Degree, I entered the Spiritual and Pastoral Care program at Loyola (www.loyola.edu/pastoralcounseling/academics/care.html) and followed the Chaplaincy Tract. During the course of my studies, I gained both the theological and theoretical tools that enables me to be of service “ministering” to those who suffer losses – whether those losses be in employment, health, or a loved-one; to assist individuals in crisis situations, and empathetic listening skills to support people who wish to resolve their spiritual and religious questions, concerns, or challenges.  As my graduate student tenure comes to a close, I can say that the Spiritual and Pastoral Care program has heightened my awareness of spiritual and pastoral questions and concerns, helped me grow as a person and provided me with the technical support system to serve my sisters and brothers – regardless of their Religious Traditions – grapple with their questions and concerns to form a new and/or elevated spiritual identity.

As I near the end of my studies here at Loyola, I find myself in wonderment of the road that led me to the Certicate of Advanced Study in the first place.  I can’t say that 30 years ago when I was in high school, my life’s dream was to grow up and become a counselor even though I did have an interest in psychology.  My parents’ expectations and cultural background (I’m Asian Indian) led me to the plan of becoming a medical doctor.  I sensed a desire in me to be able to help people in some capacity.  The direction that my life’s journey ended up taking has led me to believe that my calling to help people would not be fulfilled by becoming a medical doctor…God had a different plan.

After marriage, I pursued a masters degree in clinical psychology.  Once my oldest child entered kindergarten and both kids started becoming involved in many extra-curricular activities, the need to stay home became evident so that I was readily available for my children.  Twelve years literally flew by!  In that time, I wrote a column for the county paper and worked as a teacher in our Catholic school.  I appreciated the experience these jobs gave me, but still felt that I had not found my niche. 

I would browse the internet for careers or educational opportunities.  The programs at Loyola for post masters students caught my attention because I learned I needed certain classes in order to become licensed as a counselor in Maryland and their program would allow me to fill in those holes.  I was not in a place where I could commit the time to study until my oldest was in tenth grade.  A week after deciding that it was time to make some changes in my life, I learned my 40-year-old brother had Stage IV cancer.  Losing my brother changed who I was in many ways and made me question many things about life.  It was then that I became even more attracted to Loyola’s Pastoral Counseling Program.  The idea of integrating spirituality and psychology made sense and I could see the value in it when it comes to counseling. 

This blog is a chance to share some of the amazing experiences I have had while at Loyola and the opportunities it has led me to.  I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you.

Many students in the Pastoral Counseling programs were attracted to Loyola specifically because they are encouraged – and even guided in how – to approach counseling through the lens of their faith.  I am one such student.  My journey began in the MA program after several people had asked me to be their spiritual director.  Having no qualifications to do that, my answer to them was no.  However, I felt God asking me to become qualified.  I am a consecrated virgin in the Catholic Church and I understood my new calling as a way in which to reach out to others considering their own vocation.  What I realized very early on was that my new calling is really a way in which to live out my own vocation.  I switched over to the MS program at the end of my first semester, anxious to become a licensed clinical professional counselor…a career I would have never guessed I’d be in.

            I am a Christian.  I believe God is love and Jesus is God.  Therefore, Jesus also is love.  When I took my vows in the Order of Consecrated Virgins, I became a “bride of Christ,” as the rite declares.  As such, I believe I must also be love.  Before starting at Loyola, I thought I was doing pretty well at being love.  I was very accepting and respectful of others – of their faith traditions, sexual orientation, ethnicity, personal stories.  Or so I thought.  Classes like Contemporary Religious Perspectives, Psychopathology, and Diversity Issues in Counseling opened my eyes to the many ways in which my heart had been closed.  I began to see how many limits I had been trying to place on my limitless God and I was given tools to break apart that box I was trying so hard to fit Him in. 

            I am constantly amazed at how other people understand God.  In this program I have encountered Buddhists, Muslims, Baha’i, Orthodox Jews, Hindus, Protestants, and Seventh Day Adventists.  I have been blessed to hear them share the God they know so well.  I see their God and my God are not as far removed from one another as I once thought.  God, as I know Him, looks much different than He did the day I married Him.  He is more beautiful and more loving than I gave Him credit for.  And the more I meet Him through the program, I am falling in love with Him all over again.

“There are two great tragedies in life.
One is to not get your heart’s desire.
The other is to get it.”

       –George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

The road to Lwamondo Mountain

My best friend Mukondi showing me how to don traditional Venda dress

Lwamondo Mountain

In April of 2002, I landed in Johannesburg, South Africa to begin my first call as an assistant Lutheran pastor in a parish of eight congregations.  I was met there by two parish leaders, friends who I had previously met when they traveled to California.  They were both instrumental in forming the partnership that had created my call.  Even though I had just traveled a total of 20 hours on two plane trips; we still had 7 hours to drive to Lwamondo Parish, located in the most northeastern province of South Africa.

 I was so excited as we left Jo’burg—my deepest dreams were coming true.  The list of unparalleled life experiences I was having was long and poignant: 

 –It was my first call as a pastor.

 –My future supervisor was one of the first Tshivenda women to be ordained in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of South Africa (ELCSA).  [With my arrival, Lwamondo became the first ELCSA parish to be served by two women pastors.] 

 –To add to that, I was told that I was the first white person to move to the former Republic of Venda since the dismantling of the Group Areas Act in 1991.  [I subsequently found out that two sons of German Lutheran missionaries had returned to Venda years before I did; but in people’s minds, they were returning home and that was a different kind of event.]

–I was placed in a first grade class to learn to speak Tshivenda and became quite a celebrity.

 –Every day I met people who had contributed in significant ways to the dismantling of Apartheid and were now making contributions to the young democracy.

 –When the Truth and Reconciliation Commission submitted its report to the government, a mentor who had been personally invited to the worship celebration by Archbishop Desmond Tutu invited me to join him and his family for the service.  Not only did I get to hear the bishop preach, but I was introduced to him after the service.  (He’s very sparkly in a non-Twilight sort of way.)

There were many other wonderful adventures of life and faith that followed which would cover a lot more space, but for the present reflections, I’ll turn to the topic of how my South African adventure guided me to Loyola.  To tell you the truth, sometimes I still find myself amazed at the unexpected paths my road has taken.

Just when I thought I might spend the rest of my life in SA, circumstances crashed in on the congregational partnership supporting my ministry and I found myself back in the US—wondering how to make meaning of the loss of my dream from a spiritual perspective.  I joined a spiritual direction group at a Franciscan monastery and after months of inner turmoil and partial healing, I came to find out that among my fellow seekers, one is a pastoral counselor, one is a supervisor of chaplains at a major hospital, and one is a professor of neuroscience.  And we were all seeking to find meaning together.

 It was in our group processing that they described Loyola’s unique program (they all knew about it and I didn’t) and it was then that they encouraged me to think about it.  With trepidation and many doubts, I started the exploration and here I am, thanks to many helpers along the way.  Looking back, there were so many things that showed me this was a possibility that has always been there—but just beyond the horizon.  The shadows of the loss of my dream were eclipsing my sense of hope in an unknown future.

 But with every classroom I step into, and every time a professor or colleague mentions the uniqueness of pastoral counseling, or which each new insight and learning opportunity—I am learning that dreams can be realized and then lost—and then transformed into something new and unexpected.  So here I am again—living a dream come true like I did in South Africa.  And here I am again, amazed at what hope and resiliency do to the human spirit.  And best of all, like my arrival to South Africa, I am on a path to an unknown horizon and all around me are fellow travelers who inspire   me to trust in healing, hope and the power of compassion. 

George Bernard Shaw is right, it is devastating to lose a dream.  I just hope he was able to learn like I have, that we are not limited to only one—that new life, like healing, can emerge at any time.