I could only imagine the thoughts that were invading his mind as he lowered himself to the bathroom floor and dialed 911.  My friend/classmate, who I will call Al to respect his privacy, was scheduled to graduate from Loyola University Maryland in four weeks, with a Masters of Science (“MS”) degree in pastoral counseling.  He had taken the National Counselor Examination (“NCE”) that morning, and was still in the building, when tragedy struck.  For the next two months, Al exchanged the classroom for the physical and occupational therapy rooms, as he relearned how to perform basic activities of daily living (“ADLs”), with the goal of regaining his independence. 

Al had suffered a stroke, specifically a right anterior cerebral artery ischemic stroke.  This stroke did not create facial distortions, nor did it affect his mind.  However, his left side was weak, and in addition to an inability to control the affected muscles and limbs, he experienced pain and intermittent muscle spasms.  What the stroke did not affect was his positive attitude and sense of purpose.  And as I read his daily posts on Facebook, and the e-mail updates from his wife, I developed an appreciation for his faith in God and his personal power.  I had no doubt that recovery would occur, and it would happen quickly.

The daily updates were, in essence, progress notes.  Each day offered a reason to celebrate, and on the rare occasion that a relapse occurred, getting back on track was almost immediate.  I knew Al was an active member of his church, and as I followed his progress, I recognized that his relationship with God played a more essential role in his recovery than I had originally imagined.  One evening during a visit, we discussed his faith and how it related to his current situation. 

Al’s faith is rooted in the sovereignty of God.  He is certain that God was responsible for his illness, and he supported his belief with the Biblical teaching that all of our days are written and established before one of them has happened.  Therefore, he accepted the stroke as a marker on the road he was destined to travel.  I suggested a comparison with Job where God allowed the devil to persecute him.  Al did not agree, simply stating “because Christ has ransomed us.”  He said that God’s purpose is to glorify his son, and that God is dedicated to transforming each believer into the image of Christ.  Al also hoped that his illness would benefit someone, and his stroke would not be wasted.  I assured him that he had inspired me, and if I ever were to become ill, I would find a positive role model in him.

After almost 5 weeks, Al transferred to Encore at Turf Valley  to complete his final phase of inpatient rehabilitation.  Encore is located across the street from his church, and he was able to attend Sunday service.  As I sat with him during his last evening at Encore, I wondered what, if anything, in our Pastoral Counseling program could have prepared him to negotiate his life-changing event with such a positive attitude.  Al had acknowledged earlier feelings of despondency, and his fear of being handicapped for the rest of his life.  However, his faith helped him to set aside those thoughts and focus on healing.  And as I looked into his eyes as he spoke, I understood that I had found my answer.  Al’s ability to use his faith to effect healing was pastoral.

Al is at home now, and after two months of being cared for by others, he is testing his independence.  On his first day at home, he posted:  “Today, I am at home.  I made a pot of coffee.  I had breakfast, cleaning up after myself.  I am using a walker around the house, trying to remember to go slowly and to stay safe. But, I’m smiling.”  Al’s sense of purpose, his personal strength, and his faith in God continue to be strong, and have helped him through difficult times.  He still has a way to go to complete his healing, but his prognosis is good.  As I look back on Al’s journey, I am proud to have been his classmate, and to call him my friend.

Today, my day went something like this:

‘Alarm clock, rush, rush, traffic jam, work, work, work, and more work, traffic jam, work, work, work, drive, drive, home, more work to do.’ Sound familiar? The day was so busy that I just wanted to shout, “Stop! Just stop and take a break!”

I know, I know. That is just how your day went too, right? Take a minute with me, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Any better yet?

Life can be so chaotic, so busy, and so full of activity that we often forget how important it is to take care of ourselves. We get so caught up with all of the things that we have to do that we don’t even notice how unbalanced our lives have become. Our society is so fast paced that it is hard for many people to catch their breaths – me included. It is at this time that I stop to reflect on some wise words I have recently read:

“Care must be taken not to be driven in one’s career to the extent that everything else loses value and accordingly does not receive the attention it should.” – Dr. Robert Wicks, in The Resilient Clinician.

I received Dr. Wicks’ book as a gift from the Loyola University Pastoral Counseling Department during a free ‘self-care’ workshop. One of my fellow blog writers has put together an excellent post describing the events of the day. Many thanks JoAnn! To read about our day of self-care, click here.

The Resilient Clinician offers helping professionals practical advice for avoiding burnout through working to maintain balance. Although the text is designed for those working in the mental health profession, the words of wisdom contained in the book are useful for anyone who (like me) is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the pressures life has to offer. Dr. Wicks goes in depth into many different topics from recognizing signs of burn out to developing strategies for self-care. I highly recommend reading the text whether you are a clinician or are simply feeling the physical and psychological effects of stress.

In Appendix E, Dr. Wicks challenges the reader to check balance in the following areas:

1. Stimulation and quiet
2. Reflection and action
3. Work and leisure
4. Self-care and care of others
5. Self-improvement and patience
6. Future aspirations and present positive realities
7. Involvement and detachment

Today, I am going to just pick one off the list. I’ll start with number 1 simply because I am too tired to be all that original at the moment. I have had plenty of stimulation today. When I leave all of you, I am going to take 15 minutes of silence and just listen to the quiet.

Why don’t you join me? Your brain will thank you for it.

The Summer Bucket List

We normally think of bucket lists as an extravagant to-do lists of grand scale. Well the summer bucket list: is a bit more accessible and can be completed before you start class in a few months.

1. Be Physical – Ride a bike, hike a mountain, fly a kite, swim a few laps. You have been exercising your brain, now it is time to exercise your body.
2. Be Vocal – Tell someone that you love them, like them, appreciate them or that you are glad that they are in your life. Family members, co-workers, friends and even professors are all great candidates.
3. Be a Chef – Find an awesome recipe, go food shopping, dig out pots and pans and have fun! (Also make sure a fire extinguisher is handy).
4. Be a Star – Sing a song, LOUD! You can sing in the car, in the shower, in your house, but let loose and let the world embrace your creative expression!
5. Be Spiritual – Attend a Synagogue, Church, Mosque, Temple or wherever you worship and feed your spiritual center.
6. Be at Rest – Get some sleep! Whether you listen to one of those nature sounds cds or buy a new memory foam pillow, do whatever it takes get some sleep, at least 7 hours worth.
7. Be a little less Intelligent – Read a book that does not have any citations, references or any word with more than three syllables. Call it brain recovery.  
8. Be Spoiled – Treat yourself to a guilty pleasure and don’t feel guilty! Drink a milkshake, eat some chocolate or even watch a movie with no discernible plot and have popcorn with extra butter. Whatever your pleasure, treat yourself; you deserve it!
9. Be a Tourist – This area has wonderful landmarks, interesting places and marvelous museums, so release your “inner tourist” and enjoy them. 
10. Be Helpful – Help someone else out without looking for anything in return. Helpings others is the gift that keeps on giving.  

Now these activities are great, but some don’t work well together. Singing a Phil Collins song at the top of your lungs while sitting in the warrior position in a yoga class is probably not the best idea. Neither is “being at rest” in the middle of channeling your inner Iron Chef in the kitchen. Waking up to the smell of OVER-blackened chicken and peppers is not a great experience. (Thank goodness for the fire extinguisher). So avoid those disasters and embrace your summer, it is already half over!!

When you hear the word “shaman,” what image pops up in your mind:

• A short skinny guy wearing a grass skirt dancing dangerously close to a fire?
• The dark hidden face of an ancient medicine man or woman chanting softly to the spirits?
• Jesus? (Gasp! Yes, Jesus was a shaman . . . probably the best ever.)

In fact, the Society of Jesus and shamanism have common ways of being in the world. Before you stone me as a heathen, read on.

The online Merriam-Webster dictionary has a woefully antiquated, inadequate, and unenlightened definition of a shaman: “a priest or priestess who uses magic for the purpose of curing the sick, divining the hidden, and controlling events.”

Yikes. Uses magic? Nope. According to the Foundation for Shamanic Studies:

“In a holistic approach to healing, the shaman uses the spiritual means at his or her disposal in cooperation with people in the community who have other techniques such as plant healing, massage, and bone setting. The shaman’s purpose is to help the patient get well.” (Shamanic Healing: We Are Not Alone).

Jesuits come from all walks of life. Shamans can be anyone and rarely use a title such as priest or priestess. I personally know of one shaman traipsing the halls and classrooms of Loyola University with the title “student.”

Like shamanism, Ignatian spirituality is incarnational – God is not “out there” somewhere; God is right here in ALL things: people, events, objects, elements, animals, insects, and the stars. Jesuits are “contemplative in action” and take their meditative and reflective way of being into the world to guide their actions. Shamans converse with the spirits of plants, animals, and divine beings and apply that guidance in life and administering to the sick.

A shaman does not “cure” anybody but instead provides the energy and knowledge that support healing just as a Jesuit might bring the presence of God through prayer to help people heal. Divining the hidden in shamanism is no more than providing something for a person to reflect on and respond to which is similar to pastoral counseling.

Although Jesus could control events, his primary interest was letting life unfold in accordance with God’s love, even when this resulted in his crucifixion. Almost 2,000 years later, today’s shaman will follow his lead and consult him as a spiritual teacher when it comes to life’s events.

Just ask me.

In my Introduction to Pastoral Counseling class this past fall, Dr. Dee Preston Dillon asked the class to consider what is the “best and the worst” of being a pastoral counselor.  My greatest challenge is having feelings of inadequacy to provide support and guidance to my clients. Related to this challenge is also what I believe to be the greatest opportunity, the possibility of healing for my clients through grace. My counseling can serve as medium for that grace.

I have continued to reflect on this question. Taking a page out of David Letterman’s Top Ten, I’ve started the conversation with my own Top Three. I welcome my colleagues to comment on my post naming their own “challenges” and “joys.” 

DRUMROLL PLEASE

CHALLENGES
3. Value Dissonance
In my Human Development class this spring we discussed what happens when clients’
personal values are not aligned with our own and their choices do not appear to serve in their best interest. . My role as a counselor is to help clients define their intentions in seeking counseling and to be ethical in helping them make choices which are congruent with their intentions, regardless of what those choices may be. I realize this is easier said than done and welcome advice from my colleagues on this issue.
2. Lack of self-awareness
Self-awareness is a life-long process and as frustrating as it is to discover new “blindspots.” These are the experiences that provide opportunities for the greatest learning and growth.
1. Being able to keep the faith
I imagine there will be many days when I will question my abilities as a counselor. I hope that I can seek support from good colleagues and be open to God’s grace in getting me through these times.

JOYS
3. The ability to both be a travel companion and a wayfinder for clients.
We are all on a journey and it is the role of the Pastoral Counselor to walk with our clients while also helping them discern their path.
2. “Aha!” moments
Just like the name of this blog, we are “meaning makers.”  I look forward to the first time I realize when I facilitated an “Aha!” moment for a client.
1. Transformative relationships
Pastoral counselors can help transform their clients’ lives. As I hope for the possibility of transformation for my clients, I know that my relationships with them will also be transformative for me, thus deepening my own spiritual development.

On May 3, 2012, I was watching the evening news and learned that an Episcopal priest and an administrative assistant had been shot, at their church, by a homeless person.  No names were given.  Over the course of the next week, more information surfaced.  Apparently, the shooter had a history of approaching the church for assistance but became agitated after being told he had to limit his visits to the food pantry so others could benefit as well.  He killed the two women and then killed himself.

At first, I felt horrified that such a tragedy had occurred, but I was able to distance myself.  I could offer prayers for the repose of their souls and prayers for their families and friends, but I did not know anyone involved.  Or so I thought.  When the names of those involved became public, the pain became personal.  I knew Mary Marguerite Kohn.  She was my friend.

Mary Marguerite, or MM, was a graduate of the PhD program in pastoral counseling.  While she was preparing to defend her dissertation, she spent hours and hours in the doctoral lounge entering data and reviewing and revising her work.  At that same time, I was using the office directly across the hall to help with the copy editing of Research in the Social Scientific Study of Religion.  MM would come in frequently to visit with me and to offer support because she knew I sometimes got impatient with the pace of the academic requirements.  The process seemed to take so long!  She told me many times that perseverance was the key to success and to keep plugging away.  She set a wonderful model in that respect.

After she graduated, she became an affiliate professor at Loyola and at Fordham and sometimes consulted with me about online education.  She had a great love for her students and was deeply invested in their success.  I recall an extended email conversation about the cost of materials for one of her courses where she examined every possible way to keep the costs down and the quality high.  In addition to her kindness, I remember her intense energy, her easy laughter, and her generosity.  While I feel very sad about her death, I am also very, very grateful that I had the chance to know her.

Eternal rest grant unto her, oh Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul and the souls of all the
faithful departed, through the mercy
of God, rest in peace.
Amen.

Dear Pastoral Counseling Faculty,

I am honored and humbled that you awarded me the Dr. Barry K. Estadt medal.  I belong to such a supportive and dynamic cohort of students; this honor is as much theirs as mine.  Thank you for helping to create an atmosphere of thriving, love, and life-long friendship.

 I worked hard as a student and I approached the pastoral counseling program as a formation experience, as a process that would shape me into a skillful, wise, attuned, and responsive healer.  I worked hard and I recognize that I am graduating on Saturday very, very much because of your encouragement and pruning — your illumination of my growing edges and your honest response to my efforts.

By your instruction, presence, and patience I have been discovering a voice that might be of service to others.

 My wife, Emily, and I are going to New Mexico because we feel called to live and work among those whose voices some call illegal.  I have been able to honor and nurture a desire to answer this call with your wisdom, teaching, and blessing, and for that I am most grateful!

See you at the reception.

In gratitude,

Tucker

I have started on a new path.   A few years ago, I was meeting with a spiritual director to discuss a possible change in vocation. When I discussed my interests in working with counseling and spirituality, she mentioned the Pastoral Counseling Program at Loyola.  I have been receiving mailings from the program for the past few years and decided this was the year for me to start. I connected the start of this journey with the start of another one, when my wife and I were searching for a church home. We found it at St. Marks Episcopal Church, Capitol Hill. It practices an open communion. Every Sunday our clergy state the following:  “No matter where you are on your faith journey, no matter what you believe or do not believe, you are welcome to eat at God’s table.” Admittedly, my wife and I were taken aback when we first visited the church, mostly because the openness we experienced felt so different from any type of church culture in which we grew up. We came back and have stayed for almost ten years because we love the community, and its values resonate with what we want for our family.

In addition to the openness of St. Mark’s, I felt a connected to the idea of “brokenness” that often is the topic of sermons. I grew up Catholic and many of my church memories connected to the feelings of guilt and shame that individuals were meant to bear privately as a result of sins they committed. At St. Mark’s we talk about “brokenness” as those parts of our lives that prevent us from becoming the people we are called to be.  Instead of feeling like our brokenness needs to be hidden in the shadows, I have learned that it is through greater examination of these parts of our lives and the process of bringing them into the light that we get closer to understanding ourselves and enhancing our relationships with others. This is where I find the most meaning of what it means for me to be a pastoral counselor. How can I serve others helping them work through some of the brokenness in their lives, and also by continuing to work on my own?

This is the big question that serves as my compass at the start of my journey in the Master of Science in Pastoral Counseling program.  It has served me well, along with the phenomenal faculty, like Dr. Elizabeth Maynard and Dr. Dee Preston-Dillon, and students I have encountered in the Human Development and Introduction to Pastoral Counseling classes. I am not sure where this path will lead me, but that’s okay for now. It has been a rich and rewarding experience thus far.